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Wednesday, September 11, 2013

I saw my past tonight

Tonight I took my daughter to dance class and I ran into an old friend. It was someone I almost didn't recognize for one we were friends in college which, I must admit, was over 10 years ago but also because she looked hard. She walked in and said "Charlie?" After a few seconds I was able to place her. She hugged me and the smell of alcohol was overwhelming. As I spoke with her about our daughters dancing in the same class, she introduced me to her parents who were going to stay for the class because her and her boyfriend had a couple things to do. Her sentences weren't clear. It was obvious she was doing her best impersonation of a sober person but she was no actress! I looked at her 2 daughters with such an ache in my heart. My sister and I were those girls. I saw my grandparents there to support us. I wanted to hug her parents and whisper in their ear to take their granddaughters away, gain full custody unless or until their daughter got sober. I wanted to tell those little girls that they will be ok, I promise. I wanted to hold them and say "You are going to have some challenges but stay in school, continue to be active in dance, sports, student government, music... anything to keep you focused. And most of all I wanted to tell them that no matter how bad it hurts at times, you will survive and be a stronger person because of it.  There will be times you don't believe you will make it through another day but I promise you can and you will." I watched my old friend stumble out the door and I could feel the tension of her parents. I could see the sadness in their eyes yet they smiled through it for those two little girls. I know my grandparents smiled through their pain in front of me and my sis.  I'm having trouble shaking this. I am fully aware it is not my place to say anything to the grandparents nor to the "mom"(unless the kids are in harms way) and I would never say anything to those little girls. I just tried to stay focused on my daughter. My kid's happiness is my happiness so when I found myself consumed by these people and those beautiful little girls, I had to just watch my daughter while she danced and the joy she had. Watching her pulled me out of my past and back into my reality but now my house is asleep and all I can think about is the situation. That "mom", those innocent girls, those broken grandparents.  I know there is a lesson for me in this somewhere but I must admit, right now it's hard to see it. Is this where detachment comes into play? This isn't my problem. I don't know these people so why am I allowing it to consume me? It's just another sign that I need to stay on this road to recovery.